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Archive for September 11th, 2009

Hey Bin Laden! Eight years later and you are still the most wanted dead or alive villain in the whole wide world for orchestrating one of the most heinous crimes in the history of humankind. I hope all is not well with you wherever you have been these last eight years in some cave, basement, hut, or most likely in an elephant’s arsehole.

Because of you, we now have to take off our shoes before we get on an airliner. Because of you we got ourselves into two wars and a few thousand of our service men and women are no longer with us. Because of you, they pulled a Tom Dooley on Saddam Hussein. Because of you, the U.S. of A. officially got into the torturing business. Because of you, U.S. Muslims are discriminated against by their fellow citizens. Oh by the way, you’ve missed out on a bunch of stuff the last eight years.

Let me tell you about some of the highlights of the last eight years. You didn’t get to show up at the inauguration of our first African American president. You haven’t witnessed the proliferation of HDTV. You missed Katrina, Rita and Ike. You missed the last episode of “The Sopranos.” You missed Commentary’s 50th BD party. You didn’t get to watch the Red Sox get rid of the “curse.” You didn’t attend the ‘Stros only World Serious appearance. I didn’t see you at the MLB All Star Game that was held at The Yard. B-G-O and Baggy aren’t in uniform these days. H-Town has an NFL team again. Michael Jackson’s moon walking days are done. This fella name Usain Bolt is now the fastest human in the world and Michael Phelps owns the most gold medals. It now costs us a whopping 44 cents to mail a letter. Some of us are now driving hybrids.

You definitely had an impact on how we live but we still kept on living and not under some rock out in the middle of nowhere. Hope your diet continues to be bugs and parasitic water. Take care, err don’t take care.

Meanwhile, here in the Lone Star State, you have to figure that Guv Dude had the “William Tell Overture” on his ipod when he announced the formation of the “Recon Rangers.” Any day now we will hear about some unsuspecting Latino citizen getting accidentally “reconned” by a Ranger.

Everyone Knew Her As Nancy put out a take on the H-Town mayoral candidate Gene Locke latest “Ladies for Locke” invite. Commentary checked it out and it should be called “Size Two Models for Locke.” Heck, maybe their TV ads will be the kind you can only air after the kids go to sleep. Heck, maybe their TV ads will only air on the Playboy channel. Heck, maybe their TV ads will only air on those adult channels you have to pay for.

From the OSHA Violation Department: How come H-Town mayoral candidate Peter Brown is the only fella not wearing a hardhat at a construction site in his TV ads?

Speaking of, we’re not going to reach Cecil Puede’s goal of 90 wins this season because we would have to run the table and go 22 and zip the rest of the way which is darn near impossible since we still have three left against the Cards and four against the Phillies – both first place teams – yikes! It was nearly a good one last night despite the fact that Roy O only lasted two innings as the Pirates come in for three this weekend so get out there and pick up a patriotic lid, a Valverde bobblehead, and a replica of The Yard.

 

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